Monday, December 2, 2019

181 What is fascism?

Fascism is a hard ideology to define because nearly every modern government or political movement has been called 'fascist' by somebody. I contend that fascism was a political movement unique to the early 20th century, especially in Europe, because its worldview was shaped by events and philosophical ideas from the late 19th century until the interwar period. Some people have called states like Saddam Hussein's Iraq 'fascist', but I believe that there is a big difference between authoritarian dictatorship and genuine fascism.

So how did fascism originally develop? It grew out of a European intellectual movement which criticized the alienating effect that industrial society had on modern man, as well as late 19th century critiques of Liberalism and Positivism. They believed that industrial society robbed men of their individuality; however they wanted to assert it at the same time. These ideas were adopted by many young people, especially young, middle-class socialists, because they wanted to rebel against what they perceived as pointless and archaic bourgeois morality and conformity. This is why in the 1930s, fascism looked like it might actually take over Europe: it successfully harnessed people’s dissatisfaction with modern society and directed it into political channels.

Fascists were influenced by philosophers like Gustav Le Bon who wrote about the need for a strong leading figure to lead the masses against social ills. He believed that people were fundamentally irrational, and should embrace their irrationality. This was taken up by fascist ideologues who thought that their members’ irrationality should be harnessed by the leader and directed into political action, which was mostly comprised of beating up socialists, communists and trade unionists (or Jews in the case of Nazism). Fascism was a fundamentally violent ideology which praised war and conflict. Both Hitler and Mussolini believed that war was the highest expression of human ability and society, and sincerely thought that life was a continual conflict between people for limited resources (hence the title of Hitler's autobiography, Mein Kampf). To fascists war was a good thing because it let nations or races decide who was the strongest and who deserved the planet's resources.

Fascism’s insistence on embracing irrationality is one thing that makes it hard to comprehend; although Hitler and Mussolini wrote their respective handbooks about fascist beliefs, they ultimately rejected concrete doctrines and always acted in response to current events. This is why a lot of fascist rhetoric and actions seem to be contradictionary.

The First World War gave fascism its mass base. Veterans across Europe felt alienated in civilian society after the war, which could not understand their experiences on the frontline. A lot of them wanted to return to an idealized comradeship and hierarchy of the front line, which fascist organizations like the SA and the Blackshirts offered. A lot of them didn’t actually care about the nuances of fascist ideology, they just felt like they didn’t belong in civilian society and needed order and comrades. Instead of a real enemy opposing army, fascism offered them a frontline against post-war society which was especially attractive in revisionist countries like Germany and Italy, where many wanted to destroy the existing Liberal order which they blamed for their countries’ humiliations.

Unlike socialists and communists, fascists wanted to cure modern society’s alienation through the creation of a hierarchal state made up of different social classes working together for the benefit of the nation. This is called ‘corporatism’ and is fascism’s only real contribution to economic thought. The competing segments of industrial society would be united by the leader act entirely through the state, which incidentally would preserve existing capitalist hierarchies and strengthen them. Fascists were for a sort of inverted social-democracy which would give social services to its members but not to anyone else. If you were not a member of the nation or the Volksgemeinschaft - tough luck. This is why many people participated in Fascist and Nazi organizations like the DAP or Hitler Youth; if you did not actively participate in the national or racial community, you were not a part of it and would be socially ostracized (or worse) and denied state benefits. They didn't necessarily believe in fascist ideology, and many opposed it, but the fascist state required them to participate in it.

The major difference between fascism and socialism is that the former was all about preserving hierarchy and bourgeois society, while getting rid of industrial alienation through the creation of a totalitarian society. Mussolini thought that by giving up your individuality to the totalitarian state, you could have your energies and efforts multiplied by its services. Paradoxically, by surrendering individuality, alienation would somehow disappear. In industrial societies, fascism was popular with the middle class because it offered a cultural and social revolution which would keep hierarchies and fortify them through corporatism. Unlike conservatism, fascism wanted a cultural revolution that would create a “New Fascist Man” who had no individuality separate from the state. This is why it was appealing to the middle class; it let them vent their frustrations about modern society and be little revolutionaries while simultaneously protecting their property and position in the social hierarchy.

The emphasis on maintaining private property and hierarchy was what made fascists hate socialists and communists. Fascism marketed itself as the “Third Way” between Liberalism, which was responsible for alienation and the post-war Wilsonian order, and Socialism, which threatened to take bourgeois property in an economic revolution. Conservatives and fascists usually got along because they both hated the same things, but most conservatives failed to understand the revolutionary aspect of fascism and believed they could be controlled to curtail workers’ rights and revise the Paris Treaties, which didn't really work out.

EDIT: I've got to go to class right now, and I'll try to answer all your questions ASAP!


Thursday, November 21, 2019

179 a double life

I read a lot of posts on here of people struggling with daily, debilitating depression that plagues every aspect of their lives, making it difficult to do small things like even take a shower. I feel that I am on the opposite side of the spectrum and wanted to share that it is equally as horrible.

From an outsider's perspective, I appear to be a very happy and stable individual. I have a financially secure job and I go to work every day and not only try my best but actively try to get along with others and make people laugh every day. My coworkers like me, and some look up to me. No one would think I have any problems at all. However, I feel like I am hidden behind a veil, and when I come home from work and when I am in the privacy of my home, I am in such crippling depression. I have such terrible episodes of sadness. I hate myself. I over-analyze everything stupid I do or say throughout the day and I replay it in my mind constantly and belittle myself. I don't feel proud of myself for any of my accomplishments and genuinely don't know why anyone even likes me. And yet I still get up every day, live this routine, and put on a facade like I am okay. It feels like I am living a double life that I cannot escape.


178 that's me

That's me, i don't want to have a relationship bc i'm mentally unstable. I'm heavily depressed, and i'm afraid i'll end up hurting the other person.

> This is where I am right now. There's a girl that I think is actually interested in me but I don't want to end up being a burden on her.

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

172 Stop chasing

Dear gaybros of the internet, stop chasing guys who are not fully available for you—emotionally, physically, and mentally. You deserve better.



Tuesday, September 24, 2019

169 I want to be erased

I'm a waste of oxygen, food and any other essential or non-essential resource. The fact that people seem to regard me as talented simply for the copious amounts of academical successes I've reached madden me so much that I want to ram my head into a metal wall just to show them that no, I'm not deserving of this. I don't even care about it. Even if it may seem like it.

I think I'm retarded. Something, somethings - must have gone wrong when I was born. I don't feel human and I believe I'm beneath every single member of society due to my inability to connect to anyone. Oh, yeah, all these medals, even a scholarship and diplomas - wow, look, I'm so smart!

No. They're as worthless as the junk that I learn for education on a daily basis. And that's the only thing I'm good at. Iterating this learned junk so masterfully that everyone is blindly latching onto the idea that I'm the smartest student in class.

Even my parent has told me that I'm only smart on paper. Everything else that actually matters - such as social interaction, and following instructions so simple that people half my age would be able to follow it? Yeah, I can't do those. I'm a dull witted idiot. I fully believe something truly fucked up with my brain development. And the words 'you're only smart on paper' wouldn't hurt as much if they weren't the truth. And I know they are. It's not simply even being about socially inept anymore. It's just being an imbecile. And expected to be up to the standard of every normal and average human - and those standards I cannot meet.

I remember when I used to be happy. Absolutely nothing gives me what I would call joy. I like only a few things in this world, and without them I'd have jumped off of my balcony already. Knowing myself, I'd fail at that too. There's just this one ingredient that everyone has that I'm missing. The one thing that makes them behave like the normal person that I am not.

And beyond being a cretin? I'm ungrateful. I'm reminded that I'm ungrateful on a daily basis verbally.

I have a home. I have food. I have access to an electronic device. I have a cat. I go to school and receive top marks.

And then I remember there's people with none of these things, and people who're also out there, clinging to this world with the last specks of their sanity - people who have to challenge and beat prejudices, people who're discriminated against for the colour of their skin, race, religion, sex, gender, nationality, sexual orientation. And none of these things that trouble the abovementioned figures trouble me as an individual - I am unharmed by these negatives. But I still don't want to exist.

I don't want to kill myself. Because a lot of effort, time and energy, alongside money, was put in the act of raising me to the state I am today. I don't want to throw that away. But if there was just this button to completely wipe all traces of me from the face of this earth? I'd sure as hell sign up.

I wish I'd just been born like most of humanity on Earth; a part of the majority. I wouldn't even care if I had been born a homophobic twat if it meant I could blend in with others. Just for a little time. I wouldn't care if I had been born a racist, a sexist, or any other vile scum that are so well integrated into society. That's just how selfish I am. I wish I had been born an ignorant ass, if it meant just a modicum of happiness - for myself.

I still remember when my sister asked my mother about suicide as a young kid (she's not suicidal). My mother said all those who kill themselves are condemned to hell for all of eternity. And out of all the things that I've heard in all of my life, this one, this particular line brings a genuine smile to my face. This is how she expects, this is how society around me expects that they discourage suicide.

Besides, I'm going to hell regardless. Not that I've done any particular evils, no. I just never believed in God. So I'm cruising down to hell, I suppose, to punish for my lack of faith. But I sincerely hope it's just a big, endless, empty sleep that comes after death.

I'll go sleep it off now. Suicide would be wasted on a person like me, anyway.


168 Critical Thinking

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

164 AI Hide 'n' seek

163 Me conformo con mi amor

Me conformo mi amor
con verte sonreír
y con verte pasar 
nada más, nada más
junto a mi.

Me conformo mi amor
con saber, que a mi lado
fuiste tu muy feliz
aunque te olvides de mí.

Así es la vida
todo tiene un principio y un fin
mas yo quería
que a mi lado fueras
muy feliz.

Pero me conformo con saber
que fuiste mío
y que eres en mi vida

El más querido.

162 Our thought process about people

Monday, September 16, 2019

Sunday, September 15, 2019

160 We get 70

We get 70 (if we're lucky) short years on this planet, then there's an eternity of nothing.


159 Ya se va a acabar el año

Ya se va a acabar el año y nunca le dije que valió la pena cada risa, cada lágrima, cada pelea, y cada te amo.


158 Iron Golems

When I saw the first one, I ran inside to grab a fishing pole to try to fish it out. Just as I got him out, I noticed the second one, farther in. When I swam down to check him out, I found the whole group of them. I was taken back for a few seconds, completely speechless. It was almost like they wanted to be down there.
I honestly don’t know what I should do with them, now. I figure I could drain the area around them, excavate them, and then build a fence to keep them contained, but I think that might be even worse. Immortality is probably not all it’s cracked up to be. Eventually, you just want to rest, I imagine.
Then I started wandering off on mental tangents about pathfinding code. This game is definitely more than the sum of its parts.


157 You make me want to be a better person

You make me want to be a better person. And I’m not sure I want to be a better person.

156 Shun y Mime

Mime - ¿Por qué insiste en pelear?, ¿Por qué Andrómeda?
Shun - Ya te lo he dicho, debo rescatar a Atena y proteger esta tierra.
Mime - ¿acaso crees que podrás proteger a esta pobre y miserable tierra? ¿Crees que esta tierra merece que apueste tu pobre vida? ¿O crees que llegará el momento en que haya paz sin pelear y sin delitos? Acaso lo crees? Piénsalo.
Shun - Este sujeto es distinto a aquellos con los que he combatido. Lee todo lo que hay en mi mente. 
Mime - Tú has herido a muchas personas en la guerra de las 12 casas, Andrómeda. Y tú también resultaste herido. Y ¿Qué fue lo que conseguiste? Sólo otra pelea. 
Shun - Es cierto. Me pregunto cuántas personas habré de lastimar. La justicia no es una excusa. Lo cierto es que hiero a muchas personas. Incluyendo a algunos de mis amigos. Seiya, Saori ¿es verdad?. ¿Será cierto lo que me dijo Mime el resultado de una pelea es otra pelea? La paz no llegará aún cuando nos esforcemos. Dímelo, Seiya. Saori. Shiryu. Hyoga. ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué no hablan? ¿Por qué pelean?
Mime - Andrómeda, creo que podrás dejar de pelear sólo cuando hayas muerto. 
Ikki - Shun, no hay respuesta. 
Mime - ¿Qué es este cosmos?. 
Shun - Hermano!
Ikki - Lo único que podemos hacer es confiar en nuestro futuro. Es muy difícil lo sé. Pero nada habrá de quedar si renunciamos a todo pensando así. De eso estoy seguro. Nuestra lucha no será inútil. Mantente firme Shun, todo terminará si te rindes ahora. 
Shun - Aún no logro entenderlo, pero creo en lo que creo mi hermano. Bien Mime, te venceré! Prepárate para luchar conmigo!

Saint Seiya

155 Orfeo y Eurídice

Orfeo - Eurídice te amo, incluso aquí en el infierno. Créeme Eurídice, te amo. Aunque tuve que traicionar a Atena, deseaba tu alma de regreso. Esa es la verdad. Sin embargo, cuando una flor muere nunca vuelve a florecer, la gente, las aves, los insectos, incluso las estrellas que brillan intensamente, la vida ocurre solamente una vez. Por eso es tan hermosa y preciada. Comprendes Eurídice, estaba equivocado al querer traer a alguien de la muerte. Me equivoque al desear tal cosa. 
Eurídice - Orfeo.
Orfeo - Eurídice.
Eurídice - Te agradezco lo que has hecho por mí, las melodías que tocaste todo este tiempo. Gracias a tu lira pude seguir viviendo incluso en este estado. Pero ya es suficiente.
Orfeo - Eurídice.
Eurídice - Orfeo. Adios. Y muchas gracias. Adios. 

Saint Seiya

154 Manigoldo y Sage

Manigoldo - Dónde estoy? Qué es este lugar? 
* Se ve una fila de cadáveres caminando hacia un precipicio. *
Manigoldo - No! Deténganse! Qué es lo que les pasa?
Sage - La muerte. Hay tantas muertes en nuestro mundo que llenan estas filas infinitas. 
Manigoldo - Dime una cosa, ¿encuentran la paz al caer ahí?
Sage - Jamás. Abajo su único destino es el inframundo. Mejor dicho el Infierno. 
Manigoldo - ¿Infierno? No puede ser! Quizá sufrieron mucho al momento de su muerte. Y al parecer aún lo hacen. Pero ¿tienen que sufrir por toda la eternidad? No te quedes ahí patriarca, haz algo! ¿No podemos deternerlos? ¿No podemos detener esas líneas?
* Se avienta para intentar detener una joven que está por caer. Y cae con ella lográndose sostener apenas del borde. *
Sage - Manigoldo. Suéltala ya, déjala ir.
Manigoldo  - pero…
Sage - De todos modos ella ya está muerta. Aunque la salves de esa fosa no vivirá. 
Manigoldo - Pero, sufrirá más si cae ahí, patriarca. Sufrió al morir, estoy seguro. Pero no permitiré que lo haga eternamente. No voy a permitirlo. 
Sage - Déjala ya, Manigoldo. 
Manigoldo - ¿Qué sentido tiene vivir entonces? ¿Todo mi pueblo sufrirá igual? Si es así como termina la vida, entonces ¿todo mi pueblo sufrirá igual? Si termina así la vida, entonces ¿qué sentido tiene convertirme en caballero?
* Cae la joven. *
Manigoldo - Sólo siento una profunda angustia. 
Sage - Una profunda angustia. No lo des por hecho así nada más. Respóndeme esto, ¿ya olvidaste la razón por la cual te traje al santuario?. No fue porque quisiera enseñarte sobre la angustia o desesperanza en el campo de batalla. 
* Sube a Manigoldo. *
Sage - Fue para que pudieras vivir, Manigoldo. 
Manigoldo - No entiendo nada, ¿cómo podré vivir después de lo que he visto?
Sage - Por esa razón luchamos contra el dios Hades, aquel que reina el inframundo. Y contra todos aquellos que tratan a los humanos como si fueran simples peones. Por eso debes sentir esa vida, Manigoldo, y el universo que hay en ella. No dejes de sentirla y valorarla. Y así derrotaremos a la muerte misma. 
* De vuelta al campo de batalla contra Tanathos. *
Sage - ¿Angustiante? No uses esa palabra tan a la ligera. Aún hay esperanza. 
Manigoldo - Ahora comprendo maestro, tienes toda mi confianza. 

153 I think I'm afraid of being happy

I think I'm afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy something bad always happens.

Charlie Brown

152 Five steps to control the ego

Five steps to control the ego:
1. Don't get easily offended,
2. Free yourself from the need to win,
3. Free yourself from the need to always be right
4. Free yourself from the need to be superior
5. Free yourself from the need to have more.



151 I know that I shall never

I know. I know that I shall never again meet anything or anybody who will inspire me with passion. You know, it's quite a job starting to love somebody. You have to have energy, generosity, blindness. There is even a moment, in the very beginning, when you have to jump across a precipice: if you think about it you don't do it. I know I'll never jump again.

Jean-Paul Sartre

150 Believe

149 Butters on sadness

Well yeah, and I’m sad, but at the same time I’m really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It’s like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin’ really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I’m feelin’ is like a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid.

Butter, South Park

148 All I want to do

All I want to do is sit down for ten minutes and not worry about a single, damn, thing.

147 God doesn't hate us

God doesn’t hate us. But God could be disappointed in us — like children.

Ridley Scott

146 Plano cartesiano de la tolerancia

145 Time crumbles things

Time crumbles things; everything grows old and is forgotten under the power of time.


144 Hitler in Paris

143 I want you to be happy

I want you to be happy, laugh out loud, thrill to be alive, smile all the time, and if you think that this world won’t give you the things that you want: love, kids, a family, then I am gonna have to change the world ‘cause I will not have it change you!

You Should Meet my Son

142 A veces se me olvida

A veces se me olvida que esto es un sueño y qué en realidad cuando despierte estaré a tu lado.



141 El día que no haya gente

El día que no haya gente con más cosas que el máximo en las cajas rápidas de Walmart, ese día, habremos mejorado un poquito como sociedad.



140 Algunas veces existen personas

Algunas veces existen personas adecuadas en momentos equivocados.



139 Tower collapsing

138 It was over

It was over. I’d felt powerful, sexy and loved. Now, an empty plate sat where the chocolate cake had been. The loneliness crept back in.


137 I've been lost

I’ve been lost for so long that honestly I’m not even sure that I want to be found again.


136 2012 is OVER

135 The secret is to fall in love

The secret is to fall in love many times, but with the same person.

134 What makes you a man

What makes you a man is not the ability to make a child, it's the courage to raise one.

Barack Obama

133 Dead Island: Paradise

132 Dead Island Riptide Trailer

131 Aleppo burning

130 Stalingrad burning

129 Life is so uncertain

Life is so uncertain, that we ought to secure happiness while it is within our reach.

Alexandre Dumas

128 Some are born great

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ’em.


127 Homs, Syria 2011-2014

126 Anxiety Hits

125 Happy Suit

124 Greetings from Grozny

123 Creating a Life

122 What's the most a single, average person can do?

What's the most a single, average person can do to help as many people as much as possible?

Consecrate your life to being the embodiment of your own highest ideals. The only thing that is consistent in your life is you. By making this thing, your 'self', as insightful, compassionate, useful, productive, loving, learned, determined . . .[virtue X] you guarantee that all events and relationships you engage in will have this positive aspect. You can't control things beyond yourself, you can only contribute. The quality of your contribution is directly proportional to the quality of your person. Any specific set of actions, philosophies, philanthropies, 'causes' or the like are impermanent and only useful in a proper context and application. Therefore identification with or association of these activities as 'the best' will simply prevent you from actually being in the moment and responding, you will be reacting to your own idealized mental landscape. Moreover your knowledge of the impact of your actions is severely limited. However we might be aware of the impact of our actions in ways we can understand the butterfly affect of causality extends far beyond our awareness. Furthermore ideas are viral in their spreading. If others observe in you the embodiment of ideals they value and they see the effects of this in and through your actions they too may be inspired to refine themselves. This refracts throughout society as we inspire each other to evolve ourselves. To have a more evolved society we need more developed people to create it. To facilitate the development of others we can only lead by example, share the notes of our own growth journey and support each other.



121 We're all trash

We’re all trash, waiting to be thrown away.

Lotso, Toy Story 3

120 Guys, I have something to tell you

119 No puedo permitir seguir teniendo miedo

118 Happy Yet?

Happy yet?“ The Lorax scoffed, "You fill that hole deep down inside of you? Or do you still need more?

The Lorax

117 I wish I could tell her how wrong she was

My wife was struggling with depression for about 6 months. She attempted overdosing in December, but I found out and called an ambulance. Yesterday she jumped off the roof of our apartment building while I was out. I don’t know why I’m writing this. It might be to prevent others from doing this, but I think it is a more selfish desire to just say it
I found out yesterday that she stopped taking her medication for about 7-10 days because the side effects were unbearable. I don’t mean to diminish this, but I believe it was mostly in her head. She operated normally as far as I could tell, but was fixated on this idea. I noticed she got worse recently but I believed it was because she was putting pressure on herself to get back to work. I guess I was wrong.
She thought I would be better off without her. That the pain I was going through watching her was too much for me. I truly believe that when she jumped she was partially doing it to free me. I wish I could tell her how wrong she was.
Now I feel trapped. I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel for myself but I also don’t see suicide as an option. How can I put my loved ones through what I’m now going through? I can only hope that the saying time heals all wounds is correct.


116 Everybody is someone else's weirdo

115 You give up the world line by line

You give up the world line by line. Stoically. And then one day you realize that your courage is farcical. It doesn’t mean anything. You’ve become an accomplice in your own annihilation and there is nothing you can do about it. Everything you do closes a door somewhere ahead of you. And finally, there is only one door left.

Cormac McCarthy

114 Everything not saved

113 You're my sunshine

112 Why should I contribute?

Why should I contribute to making it harder for others to acknowledge their depression and seek help? I know what has held me back all these years. Would people think less of me? Would I seem to be tainted, reduced in their eyes, someone with an inner failing whom no one would want to hire or with whom no one would want to marry or have children? Would even friends start tip-toeing around my psyche? Would colleagues trust me with responsibility?

111 Last Minutes with ODEN

110 Mother crossing

109 The Lion and the Unfinished Temple

108 Bipolar

107 Paws

106 Death stroller

105 No happy endings

But there’s no happy endings, not here and not now. This tale is all sorrows and woes. You might dream that justice and peace win the day, but that’s not how the story goes…

(A series of unfortunate events, Netflix)

104 You're getting old

RandyYou don't get it, Sharon! You never have! And that's supposed to be my fault?!

SharonYes, it IS your fault, Randy, because you're a child!

RandyI'm sick of everything I do being so wrong, Sharon!

Sharon... You're 42 years old, Randy!

RandyI'm not dead yet Sharon, but you might be!

SharonOh is that what you think?! That I'm dead?!

You do this all the time! First you're obsessed with baseball fights! Then you need to play Warcraft! Then you gotta be a celebrity chef!

RandyWhy can't you ever just support me?!

SharonSupport what?! Another stupid dream of yours?!

RandyFace it Sharon, our son turned 10 and you feel old!

SharonWHAT does our son turning 10 have to do with you making the same mistakes again and again?!

RandyBecause I'm unhappy, okay?! I've been unhappy for a long time!

SharonI'm unhappy too. We both are, obviously. How much longer can we keep doing this? It's like, the same shit just happens over and over and, then in a week it just all resets until- it happens again. Every week it's kind of the same story in a different way but it, it just keeps getting more and more ridiculous.

RandyI don't know if I've changed or you have. I just feel like I might not have a whole lot of time left and... I want to enjoy it.

SharonI want to enjoy it too, but... I can't fake it anymore. You just seem kind of shitty to me.

RandyYou kind of seem shitty to me too.

SharonPeople get older, Randy. People grow apart.

[Landslide by Fleetwood Mac plays]