Sunday, September 15, 2019

117 I wish I could tell her how wrong she was

My wife was struggling with depression for about 6 months. She attempted overdosing in December, but I found out and called an ambulance. Yesterday she jumped off the roof of our apartment building while I was out. I don’t know why I’m writing this. It might be to prevent others from doing this, but I think it is a more selfish desire to just say it
I found out yesterday that she stopped taking her medication for about 7-10 days because the side effects were unbearable. I don’t mean to diminish this, but I believe it was mostly in her head. She operated normally as far as I could tell, but was fixated on this idea. I noticed she got worse recently but I believed it was because she was putting pressure on herself to get back to work. I guess I was wrong.
She thought I would be better off without her. That the pain I was going through watching her was too much for me. I truly believe that when she jumped she was partially doing it to free me. I wish I could tell her how wrong she was.
Now I feel trapped. I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel for myself but I also don’t see suicide as an option. How can I put my loved ones through what I’m now going through? I can only hope that the saying time heals all wounds is correct.