Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Sunday, February 6, 2022
Tuesday, June 8, 2021
Friday, May 14, 2021
Saturday, May 2, 2020
Sunday, September 15, 2019
117 I wish I could tell her how wrong she was
My wife was struggling with depression for about 6 months. She attempted overdosing in December, but I found out and called an ambulance. Yesterday she jumped off the roof of our apartment building while I was out. I don’t know why I’m writing this. It might be to prevent others from doing this, but I think it is a more selfish desire to just say it
I found out yesterday that she stopped taking her medication for about 7-10 days because the side effects were unbearable. I don’t mean to diminish this, but I believe it was mostly in her head. She operated normally as far as I could tell, but was fixated on this idea. I noticed she got worse recently but I believed it was because she was putting pressure on herself to get back to work. I guess I was wrong.
She thought I would be better off without her. That the pain I was going through watching her was too much for me. I truly believe that when she jumped she was partially doing it to free me. I wish I could tell her how wrong she was.
Now I feel trapped. I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel for myself but I also don’t see suicide as an option. How can I put my loved ones through what I’m now going through? I can only hope that the saying time heals all wounds is correct.
Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/21xo0q/my_wife_committed_suicide_yesterday/
I found out yesterday that she stopped taking her medication for about 7-10 days because the side effects were unbearable. I don’t mean to diminish this, but I believe it was mostly in her head. She operated normally as far as I could tell, but was fixated on this idea. I noticed she got worse recently but I believed it was because she was putting pressure on herself to get back to work. I guess I was wrong.
She thought I would be better off without her. That the pain I was going through watching her was too much for me. I truly believe that when she jumped she was partially doing it to free me. I wish I could tell her how wrong she was.
Now I feel trapped. I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel for myself but I also don’t see suicide as an option. How can I put my loved ones through what I’m now going through? I can only hope that the saying time heals all wounds is correct.
Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/21xo0q/my_wife_committed_suicide_yesterday/
Tuesday, September 10, 2019
101 It's like a panic attack
Stiles Stilinski: I'm fine. Yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant overwhelming crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen.
Ms. Morell: It's called hyper vigilance. The persistent feeling of being under threat.
Stiles Stilinski: It's not just a feeling though. It's like it's a panic attack. You know, I can't even breathe.
Ms. Morell: Like you're drowning?
Stiles Stilinski: Yeah.
Ms. Morell: So, if you're drowning and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment. But if you choose to not open your mouth, to not let the water in.
Stiles Stilinski: You do it anyway. It's a reflex.
Ms. Morell: But if you hold off until that reflex kicks in. You have more time, right?
Stiles Stilinski: Not much time.
Ms. Morell: But more time to fight your way to the surface.
Stiles Stilinski: I guess.
Ms. Morell: More time to be rescued.
Stiles Stilinski: More time to be in agonizing pain. Did you forget about the part where you feel like your head's exploding?
Ms. Morell: If it's about survival, isn't a little agony worth it?
Stiles Stilinski: What if it just gets worse. What if it's agony now and then... then it's just hell later on?
Ms. Morell: Then think about what Winston Churchill once said: If you're going through hell... keep going
Stiles Stilinski - Teen Wolf S02E11
Ms. Morell: It's called hyper vigilance. The persistent feeling of being under threat.
Stiles Stilinski: It's not just a feeling though. It's like it's a panic attack. You know, I can't even breathe.
Ms. Morell: Like you're drowning?
Stiles Stilinski: Yeah.
Ms. Morell: So, if you're drowning and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment. But if you choose to not open your mouth, to not let the water in.
Stiles Stilinski: You do it anyway. It's a reflex.
Ms. Morell: But if you hold off until that reflex kicks in. You have more time, right?
Stiles Stilinski: Not much time.
Ms. Morell: But more time to fight your way to the surface.
Stiles Stilinski: I guess.
Ms. Morell: More time to be rescued.
Stiles Stilinski: More time to be in agonizing pain. Did you forget about the part where you feel like your head's exploding?
Ms. Morell: If it's about survival, isn't a little agony worth it?
Stiles Stilinski: What if it just gets worse. What if it's agony now and then... then it's just hell later on?
Ms. Morell: Then think about what Winston Churchill once said: If you're going through hell... keep going
Stiles Stilinski - Teen Wolf S02E11
100 I am turning down you
I am not turning down the money! I am turning down you! You get it? I want NOTHING to do with you! Ever since I met you, everything I ever cared about is gone! Ruined, turned to shit, dead, ever since I hooked up with the great Heisenberg! I have never been more alone! I HAVE NOTHING! NO ONE! ALRIGHT, IT'S ALL GONE, GET IT? No, no, no, why... why would you get it? What do you even care, as long as you get what you want, right? You don't give a shit about me! You said I was no good. I'm nothing! Why would you want me, huh? You said my meth is inferior, right? Right? Hey! You said my cook was GARBAGE! Hey, screw you, man! Screw you!
Jesse Pinkman - Breaking Bad S03E07
Jesse Pinkman - Breaking Bad S03E07
099 Hooray for me, because I'm a great guy?
Group Leader : We're not here to sit in judgement.
Jesse Pinkman : Why not? Why not? Maybe she's right. You know, maybe I should have put it in the paper. I should've done something different. The thing is, if you just do stuff and nothing happens... what's it all mean? What's the point? Oh, right, this whole thing is about self-acceptance.
Group Leader : Kicking the hell out of yourself doesn't give meaning to anything.
Jesse Pinkman : So, I should stop "judging" and accept? So, no matter what I do, hooray for me, because I'm a great guy? It's all good? No matter how many dogs I kill, I just, what, do an inventory and accept? I mean, you back your truck over your own kid and you, like, accept? What a load of crap!
Group Leader : Hey, Jesse, I know you're in pain...
Jesse Pinkman : No, you know what? Why I'm here in the first place... is to sell you meth. You're nothing to me but customers! I made you my bitch! You okay with that? huh? You accept?
Group Leader : No.
Jesse Pinkman : About time.
Breaking Bad S04E07
Jesse Pinkman : Why not? Why not? Maybe she's right. You know, maybe I should have put it in the paper. I should've done something different. The thing is, if you just do stuff and nothing happens... what's it all mean? What's the point? Oh, right, this whole thing is about self-acceptance.
Group Leader : Kicking the hell out of yourself doesn't give meaning to anything.
Jesse Pinkman : So, I should stop "judging" and accept? So, no matter what I do, hooray for me, because I'm a great guy? It's all good? No matter how many dogs I kill, I just, what, do an inventory and accept? I mean, you back your truck over your own kid and you, like, accept? What a load of crap!
Group Leader : Hey, Jesse, I know you're in pain...
Jesse Pinkman : No, you know what? Why I'm here in the first place... is to sell you meth. You're nothing to me but customers! I made you my bitch! You okay with that? huh? You accept?
Group Leader : No.
Jesse Pinkman : About time.
Breaking Bad S04E07
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
064 Grief is not five stages
Grief is not five stages. It is five thousand stages.
It is a worthless trip to the grocery store that you stop at because you don’t want to go home, but the thought of cooking reminds you of the last thing you made for your person. So you buy laundry soap and coffee filters and try to forget about mashed potatoes and mushroom gravy.
It is being mad at new things. New movies, new music, new things in your life. Mad because your person would have loved those things. Or hated them. You can hear them saying, “Let’s go see that.” or “That looks dumb.”
It is feeling like you’re drowning all the time. And being okay with it because you don’t have the heart to try not to drown.
It is the internal argument you have with yourself to throw the pills away. Do not chase the high that won’t actually help. You tell yourself that that is a rabbit hole you will not climb back out of so do not throw yourself down it headfirst. It’s not worth it, you tell yourself again and again.
It is being scared to change. Scared to become someone that they didn’t know.
It is being mad that you have this monumental, horrific reason to be mad. Mad at the tears that spring up when you least expect them. Mad that sometimes you forget, and then feeling guilty for forgetting.
It is seeing an ambulance and wanting to puke.
It is digging your heels in and willing time to stop because every day that passes puts you further from the last time you spoke to your person. The sun keeps setting though and it keeps rising and the days keep passing without your consent.
But grief is also love in one of it’s purest forms. It is unrelenting and strong and overwhelming a lot of the time. But it is realizing that you will always love who you love...and loving that. Realizing that no one can steal that love from you. That it won’t go away, or falter, and that you won’t forget.
It is holding onto the idea that you won’t always be drowning. That one day you will wake up and realize that your head is above water again, you might not be swimming yet but at least you’re treading water. One day you will swim again. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week or next month..but someday.
It is learning to be someone new, someone that will be forever changed but still someone that your person would love.
It is throwing yourself at the good that makes you smile, the memories, the laughter, the love.
So grief is five thousand stages. Five thousand brutal stages. Some days will be miserable. Some days will be okay. Some days will be almost normal. It won’t be how it used to be, it will be different and new and hard.
But there is light down this path. Love yourself. Keep loving your person. There is life to be lived still, even on the days where it doesn’t seem like it.
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/asvp6y/my_stages_of_grief/
It is a worthless trip to the grocery store that you stop at because you don’t want to go home, but the thought of cooking reminds you of the last thing you made for your person. So you buy laundry soap and coffee filters and try to forget about mashed potatoes and mushroom gravy.
It is being mad at new things. New movies, new music, new things in your life. Mad because your person would have loved those things. Or hated them. You can hear them saying, “Let’s go see that.” or “That looks dumb.”
It is feeling like you’re drowning all the time. And being okay with it because you don’t have the heart to try not to drown.
It is the internal argument you have with yourself to throw the pills away. Do not chase the high that won’t actually help. You tell yourself that that is a rabbit hole you will not climb back out of so do not throw yourself down it headfirst. It’s not worth it, you tell yourself again and again.
It is being scared to change. Scared to become someone that they didn’t know.
It is being mad that you have this monumental, horrific reason to be mad. Mad at the tears that spring up when you least expect them. Mad that sometimes you forget, and then feeling guilty for forgetting.
It is seeing an ambulance and wanting to puke.
It is digging your heels in and willing time to stop because every day that passes puts you further from the last time you spoke to your person. The sun keeps setting though and it keeps rising and the days keep passing without your consent.
But grief is also love in one of it’s purest forms. It is unrelenting and strong and overwhelming a lot of the time. But it is realizing that you will always love who you love...and loving that. Realizing that no one can steal that love from you. That it won’t go away, or falter, and that you won’t forget.
It is holding onto the idea that you won’t always be drowning. That one day you will wake up and realize that your head is above water again, you might not be swimming yet but at least you’re treading water. One day you will swim again. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week or next month..but someday.
It is learning to be someone new, someone that will be forever changed but still someone that your person would love.
It is throwing yourself at the good that makes you smile, the memories, the laughter, the love.
So grief is five thousand stages. Five thousand brutal stages. Some days will be miserable. Some days will be okay. Some days will be almost normal. It won’t be how it used to be, it will be different and new and hard.
But there is light down this path. Love yourself. Keep loving your person. There is life to be lived still, even on the days where it doesn’t seem like it.
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/asvp6y/my_stages_of_grief/
055 Todo es transitorio - Shaka de Virgo
Buda: ¿Por qué estas tan triste?, apenas tienes 6 años y te sientas todos los días a lamentarte, ¿Qué es lo que te preocupa?
Shaka: hoy vi muchos muertos flotando en el río Ganges, y en la orilla muchos peregrinos purificándose. Tuve la impresión de que celebraban la muerte en vez de la vida. ¿Por qué es tan pobre este país donde nací?, parece que solo nacemos para sufrir y lamentarnos, la gente vive entre desgracias únicamente.
Buda: Shaka, ¿eso te pone triste?
Shaka: claro, quien quiere una vida llena de tristeza.
Buda: Shaka, donde hay tristeza hay alegría. Y es lo mismo del otro modo, hermosas flores florecen, pero eventualmente mueren, todo en este mundo está cambiando, siempre en movimiento, nunca igual, la vida del hombre es igual.
Shaka: pero si la muerte es inevitable entonces, ¿qué sentido tiene vivir?, y la tristeza es la que domina nuestras vidas, aun cuando superemos el sufrimiento, busquemos amor y felicidad, la muerte nulificara todo. No entiendo por qué nacemos en este mundo, cuando no podemos desafiar algo ten completo y eterno como la muerte.
Buda: parece que lo has olvidado.
Shaka: ¿Olvidado?
==========
Buda: la muerte no es el final de todo, la muerte no es más que otra transformación.
Las flores retoñan, después se marchitan...
las estrellas brillan, pero eventualmente se apagan.
Todo muere.
Esta tierra, el sol, las galaxias y hasta el mismo gran Universo no está excluido.
Comparado con eso, la vida del hombre es tan efímera, como un abrir y cerrar de ojos.
En ese instante,
un hombre nace, se ríe, llora, pelea, sufre, regocija, lamenta… odia y ama a otros.
Todo es transitorio.
Y luego todos caemos en el sueño eterno llamado muerte.
023 You will rebuild yourself
The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one;
you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss
you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should
you be the same nor would you want to.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss
you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should
you be the same nor would you want to.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
021 The pinnacle of hardship
This right now, is the hardest thing you will ever do. No matter where you go in life,
loss will be the pinnacle of hardship. And it isn’t going to get easier from here. People
will tell you that it will, but the pain of this loss that you feel right now will be with you
forever. It will never lessen. But you will get stronger, so it will feel like it does.
Unknown Reddit User
loss will be the pinnacle of hardship. And it isn’t going to get easier from here. People
will tell you that it will, but the pain of this loss that you feel right now will be with you
forever. It will never lessen. But you will get stronger, so it will feel like it does.
Unknown Reddit User
020 I feel guilty
I feel guilty when I try to move on. I took a personal day today just to grieve. But I
didn’t touch a video game or anything. I feel bad that my life should be allowed to go
on while my loved one’s has ended. I feel wrong to enjoy anything after a loved one
has passed, because I feel that as long as they’re at the forefront of my mind, they’d still
be “living” right?
Unknown Reddit User
didn’t touch a video game or anything. I feel bad that my life should be allowed to go
on while my loved one’s has ended. I feel wrong to enjoy anything after a loved one
has passed, because I feel that as long as they’re at the forefront of my mind, they’d still
be “living” right?
Unknown Reddit User
019 Celebrate the dead
While your grief will never leave you and the pain will remain as present as it ever has
been, the fact that someone is grieved for means that that person did some amazing and
incredible things in their life. Celebrate those amazing things, celebrate their legacy left
behind. Continue living your life to the fullest, and make those who we can no longer
see, hear or touch proud of us. That is all they wish for.
Unknown Reddit User
been, the fact that someone is grieved for means that that person did some amazing and
incredible things in their life. Celebrate those amazing things, celebrate their legacy left
behind. Continue living your life to the fullest, and make those who we can no longer
see, hear or touch proud of us. That is all they wish for.
Unknown Reddit User
017 Grief comes in waves
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've
known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents,
mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children,
and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through
me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter".
I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the
relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.
Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut,
or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is
stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people
who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with
wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the
magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece
of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy
memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float.
Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds
apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a
while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further
apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can
breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a
picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave
comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet
tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming.
An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most
part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again,
come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage,
but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't
really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll
survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
GSnow
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/
known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents,
mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children,
and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through
me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter".
I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the
relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.
Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut,
or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is
stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people
who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with
wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the
magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece
of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy
memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float.
Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds
apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a
while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further
apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can
breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a
picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave
comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet
tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming.
An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most
part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again,
come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage,
but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't
really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll
survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
GSnow
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/
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