Wednesday, June 26, 2019

080 The Social Identity Theory

The Social Identity Theory

079 La gente muere

078 suicide scale

077 The Problem of Evil: Crash Course Philosophy

076 How Quacks and Cults Recruit Followers

075 Jon Stewart Goes Off on Congress Over 9_11 First Responders Fund

074 Eleven


073 Her - This is Who I am Now

072 Her - "Why do I love you?"

071 Her - script

Her Script

070 Does Mom Know?

069 The Sink - SNL

068 the saddest people

I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that. Robin Williams

067 The death of a parent

066 Mi Primer Dia Sin Ti - Enanitos Verdes

065 How to actually help a grieving person

064 Grief is not five stages

Grief is not five stages. It is five thousand stages.

It is a worthless trip to the grocery store that you stop at because you don’t want to go home, but the thought of cooking reminds you of the last thing you made for your person. So you buy laundry soap and coffee filters and try to forget about mashed potatoes and mushroom gravy.

It is being mad at new things. New movies, new music, new things in your life. Mad because your person would have loved those things. Or hated them. You can hear them saying, “Let’s go see that.” or “That looks dumb.”

It is feeling like you’re drowning all the time. And being okay with it because you don’t have the heart to try not to drown.

It is the internal argument you have with yourself to throw the pills away. Do not chase the high that won’t actually help. You tell yourself that that is a rabbit hole you will not climb back out of so do not throw yourself down it headfirst. It’s not worth it, you tell yourself again and again.

It is being scared to change. Scared to become someone that they didn’t know.

It is being mad that you have this monumental, horrific reason to be mad. Mad at the tears that spring up when you least expect them. Mad that sometimes you forget, and then feeling guilty for forgetting.

It is seeing an ambulance and wanting to puke.

It is digging your heels in and willing time to stop because every day that passes puts you further from the last time you spoke to your person. The sun keeps setting though and it keeps rising and the days keep passing without your consent.

But grief is also love in one of it’s purest forms. It is unrelenting and strong and overwhelming a lot of the time. But it is realizing that you will always love who you love...and loving that. Realizing that no one can steal that love from you. That it won’t go away, or falter, and that you won’t forget.

It is holding onto the idea that you won’t always be drowning. That one day you will wake up and realize that your head is above water again, you might not be swimming yet but at least you’re treading water. One day you will swim again. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week or next month..but someday.

It is learning to be someone new, someone that will be forever changed but still someone that your person would love.

It is throwing yourself at the good that makes you smile, the memories, the laughter, the love.

So grief is five thousand stages. Five thousand brutal stages. Some days will be miserable. Some days will be okay. Some days will be almost normal. It won’t be how it used to be, it will be different and new and hard.

But there is light down this path. Love yourself. Keep loving your person. There is life to be lived still, even on the days where it doesn’t seem like it.


063 My dog, the paradox

My dog, the paradox

Source: The Oatmeal

062 Love with nowhere to go

061 Grief is...

060 Something's missing

059 It’s not that I fell out of love with you. I fell out of love with me.

It’s not that I fell out of love with you. I fell out of love with me.I needed to end this because I haven’t felt like a whole person in a long time. I have this unhealthy dependency on you. I don’t know how to talk to people or form relationships with others. I feel anxious all the time. I can’t drink or smoke anymore because I haven’t had fun with these in awhile. I’m just anxious all the fucking time, sober or not. I don’t want you to fill in my emptiness. I want to be whole, and for you to be whole and then together kick fucking ass. But right now, I need to work on me. I need to be okay with me in order to be okay with a whole other person. In order for me to love you as you should be loved, the raw unabashed love, to be me with my “warts and all”, I need to love me, warts and all. I’m sorry. I need to be okay with me.


058 How to Handle Getting Dumped Like a Pro

How to Handle Getting Dumped Like a Pro
Oh God, I feel your pain. I really do. Chances are if you are reading this, it's because you have recently experienced a breakup, and holy hell it sucks. Hi, I'm Emily, and I have a background in Psychology and Human Development. I am also currently experiencing the aftermath of getting dumped. Boo.

A long time ago, the reddit community helped me through one of the most painful break ups of my life, and I am forever grateful for the kind words and support I received after the fact. Since then, I have gained more experience and knowledge of the dating world, and been able to add to my ever expanding pool of perspective....not to mention reading every breakup self-help book there is. By the time this breakup happened, I already knew what to do, and it has made this tough process that much easier. I'd like to share it with you.

1. No contact. Immediately. I mean it.

No matter what kind of advice you receive on this subject, online, in books, from therapists, you will find that the one thing they ALL agree on is no contact, starting right from the moment you hear the words "I can't do this." That means no texts, no phone calls, no drunken phone calls, no facebook messages, no status commentary, No snapchats of you crying, NOTHING. I can't stress how important this is, and unfortunately it is the hardest part of all.

When somebody breaks up with you, no matter what bullshit reason they offered, it is because they don't want to be with you anymore. That means they don't want to hear from you either. Breaking up is a difficult, and anxiety-producing action for the person doing the dumping no matter what the remaining feelings, and afterwards you can bet they are going to want their space from some pretty solid reassurance that you aren't going to become a crazy psycho-stalker afterwards. That means not harassing him with your heartfelt paragraphs of what you are feeling at this very raw time, not "checking up on him", and not sending him sad face emoticons (I learned that never elicits a pleasing response a longggg time ago). He needs time to process, you need time to process, and every time you make a fool of yourself texting things you will most definitely regret later, the response you receive (or don't receive) will be like getting dumped all over again. You only need to hear it once, ok? You are at the beginning stages of removing what you thought was a permanent fixture from your life, and it now serves you no purpose to keep putting yourself in a position to get continuously rejected. If he wants to get in touch again, he will, and you can decide from there how to respond, but don't ever chase a man. Preserve your dignity and take some baby steps towards "out of sight, out of mind." It helps a lot in time.

In addition to saving yourself some unnecessary grief, you will also instantly become more mysterious, more powerful, in an area in which you feel like you have none. He broke up with you, he expects you to be upset. Why aren't you showing it? Why aren't you openly pining for him? What are you doing with your now open schedule? He may not ever say these things to you directly, but you can bet he will think them at some point. If nothing else, it makes you seem a little bit more attractive to your now ex, and gives him a nice little poke to the ego WHILE accelerating your healing. Please don't contact your ex. Do not give him the satisfaction of knowing that you are still openly available to him while he carries on doing whatever he wants. You are stronger than that.

2. Do not Stalk your Ex on Social Media

This is another one everybody involved with the subject agrees on, and for good, good reasons. Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat...all of these things are small, fake little cutouts of the big picture, but you will fail to see it that way when you're crying over his status update about how freaking happy he is with his bros at the bar. And you'll invent things in your mind based on what you're seeing, and that will make it suck so much harder.

Why on earth would you want to torture yourself looking at the old pictures, while watching him virtually move on? Delete the pictures, do not give him the chance to untag them all (he will. It will suck.) Unfollow his friends and family so you don't get to accidentally see him in a photo. Unfollow him. Obviously. I'd say unfriend, everybody says unfriend, but if you have enough self control to not look at his page, I say don't bother. If you are doing a good job at no contact he WILL get curious. He will look at your page eventually. Make sure it's full of you being positive, and you looking reallllll want him to be able to see that. So quick....delete that sad song lyric off your status...nobody ever completely regretting dumping someone because the girl posted part of 'wrecking ball' with a crying face and a heart. You are a fabulous person with a great least in the face of the general online public. And to him.

3. Give Up the Ghost

In order for this process to go as quickly as possible, (which could be weeks or months, it's different for everyone), and while doing all of your non-stalking and no-contacting, you need to accept that it is over. Some people reconcile, yes, but very,very few, and you must always view your situation as the rule, not the exception. You will seriously hinder your process if you cannot accept that what you had is finished. You will keep hope somewhere in your heart, in a place where it doesn't belong, and it is going to hurt just as bad, if not more, when that gets crushed too. It is so difficult to face yourself and your reality, to stand there in the mirror and say "He is not coming back. My life has changed. My future is undetermined." But the clearer you are with yourself, even in the throws of unrelenting grief, the faster your mind will begin to help you adjust to the new change, and the faster you will be able to get out of bed in the morning without being pissed that you woke up. You are strong, you are capable, you have the strength to be honest with yourself and begin your path to healing. Remove all hope, ye who yearns for reconciliation. Put all your hope into the thoughts of good things to come instead.

4. Understand What's Happening Inside your Mind

When healing a physical illness, the doctor must first understand what is happening inside your body to know how to fix it. In the case of a breakup, you are your own doctor, and I think it is imperative that you be aware of what's happening physically inside your mind to better help you understand your feelings and behaviors and begin to heal.

When we are in love or infatuation (the difference between the two is a whole different article) your brain is producing oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. These chemicals create those bonding, loving, and butterfly feelings you have when you're really into somebody...ESPECIALLY when you are physically intimate with them over a period of time. We are hard-wired to operate this way. Evolution theory says that the purpose of this is to keep partners together when inevitably raising was easier to protect the young from predators and raise them to adulthood with two able-bodied humans on the same team. These primitive feelings and chemical releases are basic functions of our brains, and holy hell are they hard to remove once somebody bails.

The important thing to remember is that the production of these powerful chemicals, the resulting feelings of which you are projecting onto your former partner, will absolutely fade over time if given the appropriate chance. Every profile pic you stare at re-releases them in trace amounts, and every text you send to him couples those chemicals with adrenaline, a dangerous and hindering combination. So don'

The really really tough part is that they play some pretty hardcore tricks on you when you are grieving. The oxytocin will make you crave the physical intimacy from him like a drug, and the dopamine will idealize the person in your will ask you to recall only the happy memories, only the things you loved about them, only the things that made you PERFECT for each other and what the hell is wrong with him, I just need to make him see how good we are together. Stop. Your own mind is trying to sabotage you. Force yourself to write down all the things you DON'T like about him, and make sure to review that list frequently. As the dopamine starts to loosen it's grip on you, that list will seem more and more valid. And guess what, it is.

So just remember, when you're in the middle of a really hard moment that you're not sure how to get through, it's just those pesky chemicals acting up again, and your body cannot physically maintain that level of escalation forever. They will begin to fade, it's basic science. I promise you.

5. He is Not the One, the Universe is Trying to Help You

"Ohhh but yes he is." Says your heart to me. "He is and we are perfect for each other and he just doesn't see it yet." No. Again, stop it. It's the chemicals talking, trying to make you miserable. He is not the one. The one will stay. You will never have to say "he just doesn't see it yet" about the one. The one always sees. The one would never make you feel the way you do right now. You couldn't see that, You couldn't stop idealizing him enough to recognize what the relationship lacked, but the one who dumped you saw for you, thank god. Painful as it is, hard as it may be to live in the wide open and undetermined future, you are being slowly moved along to what should be. You must get through and past this to get to the greater good. And you can. And you will. It is not a choice. And one day, you will wake up next to the person who will stay, who will think it's absolutely mind blowing that this idiot gave you up, and who could have never come to you if you didn't take every step necessary to begin again. Remind yourself through this process that he was not right for you, because otherwise, you would still be together. This debilitating heartache will one day become a distant memory, and you will be happy again. You can do it.

6. A Public Run In

I sincerely hope you are not trying to run into him purposefully, because that violates all no contact, no stalking rules, but if you do happen to see him at the bar, at a restaurant, on the street, etc., you say "hi how are you" (as a statement, not a question), and you reply "great thanks" when he says the same, and then you get the hell out of there. I have had a few occasions in the now very distant past, where I ran into an ex, drunk and sad, and made an absolute ass of myself because I just couldn't tear myself away. We get these fantasy thoughts in our head, like, well he saw me and I look fabulous and he must feel the same way I do about seeing him because all my feelings came flooding back when I looked at his face and he'll come over and confess his undying love soon blah blah blah. But of the times this has happened to me, this fantasy scenario has never occured. Because this person broke up with me and he doesn't feel that way. And men don't operate that way in public anyway, even if they do have leftover feelings. So, I'd get drunker, and more desperate, and at the end of the night would be crying and hanging off of him while his friends tried to pry me off. True story, horrifyingly embarrassing. Not cute at all....please don't let it happen to you. It is not attractive or classy. If you want to do this like a pro, you've got to be real casual, and then you've got to disappear. You are a mysterious don't stroke his dumper ego by sticking around and waiting for his attention. The time I finally gained enough experience to do this, I got a text an hour later, "seeing you blew my mind. You look amazing. Where did you go?" It was such a challenge to drag myself right out the door when I saw him's all I thought about. But I'm glad I did, because you know what? I win. You can too.

7. You Are Awesome. Even if You Can't See it Now

Just the fact that you are reading this article, feeling how you are feeling, already proves that you are a caring person, capable of love and affection for another. That is an amazing thing! You gave your heart and your all to somebody, and those untangible items don't just return to you overnight. It takes time, it takes a little bit of self control (ok, alot to not stalk facebook), and it takes letting the grief flow through and out of you until it's gone, no matter how long that takes. Allow yourself your sadness when you feel it, tears release stress hormones and it is emotionally cleansing. It's ok to have these moments, it's ok to feel sad for awhile. You are releasing someone's grip from your heart. It hurts! Say to it, hello sadness. Here you are again. Come do what you must, but please don't stay too long.

Getting dumped is unarguably one of the most difficult human experiences one can have. Along with mourning the loss of physical and emotional intimacy with someone you saw a future with, your self-worth and esteem get wiped out. Your ego is bruised and your heart is so broken that you don't feel like you'll ever be yourself again. It's lonely, and it's exhausting. But it is something pretty much all of us go through at one time or another, and you are not alone. At any given time, there are millions out there who are going through exactly what you are at this time, and can relate to you better than you could ever imagine. I'm one of them. But it's up to you how you deal with this, what steps you take.

You are open now to learn how to fully and completely find ways to love yourself, so that the next person doesn't complete you or fill your voids, but instead positively adds his whole self to your whole self. You don't need no man, you need to heal, and then you need to love you so somebody else can. It is all part of the roller coaster human experience. You.Can.Get.Through.This.

Love, Emily


057 Ukranian Genocide

056 What Happened Before History_ Human Origins

055 Todo es transitorio - Shaka de Virgo

Buda: ¿Por qué estas tan triste?, apenas tienes 6 años y te sientas todos los días a lamentarte, ¿Qué es lo que te preocupa?

Shaka: hoy vi muchos muertos flotando en el río Ganges, y en la orilla muchos peregrinos purificándose. Tuve la impresión de que celebraban la muerte en vez de la vida. ¿Por qué es tan pobre este país donde nací?, parece que solo nacemos para sufrir y lamentarnos, la gente vive entre desgracias únicamente. 

BudaShaka, ¿eso te pone triste?

Shaka: claro, quien quiere una vida llena de tristeza.

Buda: Shaka, donde hay tristeza hay alegría. Y es lo mismo del otro modo, hermosas flores florecen, pero eventualmente mueren, todo en este mundo está cambiando, siempre en movimiento, nunca igual, la vida del hombre es igual.

Shaka: pero si la muerte es inevitable entonces, ¿qué sentido tiene vivir?, y la tristeza es la que domina nuestras vidas, aun cuando superemos el sufrimiento, busquemos amor y felicidad, la muerte nulificara todo. No entiendo por qué nacemos en este mundo, cuando no podemos desafiar algo ten completo y eterno como la muerte.

Buda: parece que lo has olvidado.

Shaka: ¿Olvidado?
Buda: la muerte no es el final de todo, la muerte no es más que otra transformación.

Las flores retoñan, después se marchitan...

las estrellas brillan, pero eventualmente se apagan.

Todo muere.
Esta tierra, el sol, las galaxias y hasta el mismo gran Universo no está excluido.
Comparado con eso, la vida del hombre es tan efímera, como un abrir y cerrar de ojos.
En ese instante,
un hombre nace, se ríe, llora, pelea, sufre, regocija, lamenta… odia y ama a otros.
Todo es transitorio.
Y luego todos caemos en el sueño eterno llamado muerte.


054 Todos me Miran

Hubo un tiempo en el que no podía parar mis lágrimas,
Pero levanté mi cara y entendí,
Que no se puede vivir sin morir,
Ni se puede despertar sin dormir.
En los momentos difíciles recuerda que me tienes a mí,
Me caí y me pisaron,
pero no me aplastaron.
El dolor me dobló,
pero no me rompió.
El día para mí se apagó,
Pero entendí que la noche no era oscura,
Era de lentejuelas.
Porque la vida es así,
Se valora mejor lo bueno, lo hermoso y lo simple,
Cuando eres un sobreviviente.
Porque la comida es más rica cuando se tiene hambre.
Y un abrazo te conforta, cuando el alma llora.
Te aferras más a la vida,
Cuando sientes la agonía.
Las migajas son tesoros,
cuando no se tiene nada.
Y es entonces cuando te fundes con el que te dio, aunque sea una mirada,
Porque si fue de compasión o despiadada,
Esa mirada hoy a mí me levanta.
Y les digo a todos aquellos,
A los que me odian y a los que me aman.
Que gracias a ellos estoy aquí,
De pie,
más fuerte y más cabrona que la que era antes de caer.
Que los amo, los amo.
Porque sea como sea,
Para mal o para bien
Todos, me miran.

Gloria Trevi


053 The Riddle of Power | GoT

052 Rubicon

Defying Gravity S01E05
Episode Script Rubicon

Point of no return.
 It sounds simple. You step across the line, and you focus only on the way ahead. No going back. Sounds like a good way to live life. Look only ahead. Put the bad stuff behind you and move on. But that's impossible. Your past always finds you. During the days of the Roman republic, crossing the Rubicon river with an army was considered an act of war. In 49 B.C., Julius Caesar ignored that law. He made the choice to cross the river, leading to civil war, the end of the republic and his own deification. I'd say Caesar won.


 There are no promises of a positive outcome, no guarantees, that, like Caesar, we'll wind up with an empire. All we can really count on is that things will change and that we'll have to live with the results. And that's the hard part. Because we're defined by our past. We can rethink our choices a million times. But what we decide, we own. It becomes a part of who we are. And while we may be crossing the river, our footprints will always remain on the other side.


051 bird protecting her eggs (different angle)

050 Bird protecting her egg from tractor

049 Amazing Old Maps

048 Renee Alway - Interview from prison

047 Zodiac Stained Glass

046 War is Raining

045 You promised not to tell

044 Depressed

043 Dog and Racoon Friends

042 Men Dancing

041 Mexico's Influenza

040 Revolutionary's Mom - Bansky

039 The paradox of choice - Barry Schwartz

038 A kinder, gentler philosophy of success - Alain de Botton

037 polish woman running

036 Butters on Bullying

Grandma? I did it, Grandma. [she opens her eyes] I finally stood up for myself. I got real mean and I beat the shnozz our of Dr. Oz. [she frowns] I can’t lie, it felt kind of good. [she smiles] At first. But since then all I have is just… a kind of dark, empty feeling. Then I realized… that’s how you must feel. All the time. [her smile fades] Poor old Grandma. You know, I’ve I’ve been gettin’ lots of advice how to deal with you. Stand up to you, tell on you… But I kind of realize there’s just people like you out there. All over the place. When you’re a kid, things seem like they’re gonna last forever. But they’re not. Life changes. Why you won’t always be around. Someday you’re gonna die. [the anger leaves Grammy’s face] Someday pretty soon. [he approaches Grammy] And when you’re layin’ in that hospital bed, with tubes up your nose, and that little pan under your butt to pee in, well I’ll come visit ya. I’ll come just to show you that, that I’m still alive and I’m still happy. And you’ll die. Bein’ nothin’ but you. [walks back to the door] ‘Night Grandma. [exits and closes the door]

Butters, South Park

035 happiness is harmony

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Mahatma Gandhi

034 People get what they get

People don’t get what they deserve. They get what they get. Nature it’s not cruel, it just doesn’t care.


033 You give up your life

You give up the world line by line. Stoically. And then one day you realize that your courage is farcical. It doesn’t mean anything. You’ve become an accomplice in your own annihilation and there is nothing you can do about it. Everything you do closes a door somewhere ahead of you. And finally, there is only one door left.

Cormac McCarthy, The Sunset Limited

032 you have a wish list

You don’t have standards you have a wish list and you haven’t learned to parry it with

Expecting somebody to perfectly fit your exact tick box/wish list is what Disney/romcoms have falsely taught you to expect from love. Find somebody to build a mould together with as you go along; don’t try to shove others into an unrealistic/unattainable mould.

Unknown Reddit User

031 The fault in our stars

Were she better, or you sicker, then the stars would not be so terribly crossed, but it is
the nature of stars to cross, and never was Shakespeare more wrong than when he had
Cassius note, 'The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars/But in ourselves'.

Peter was saying that the fault is in the nature of things..not in how you do them, oreven just in yourself generally. This becomes important because it was “fate s fault”when Augustus died, not Gus’ fault. So therefore, the Fault is In Our Stars, and we cando nothing about it. We don’t have a choice in the matter.

John Green

030 Life sends gifts to death

029 Formation of a human

028 Talk To Someone

027 shitty place

The world’s a shitty place. And it ain’t getting any better. If you can find a sliver of happiness, hang on to it for as long as you can.


026 no, wait depression

025 military grief

024 Why should I be out of mind

023 You will rebuild yourself

The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one;
you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss
you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should
you be the same nor would you want to.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

022 I don't know what to do anymore

I found my mom last night. She was only 65, I’m 31 and her and my son were best
friends. He’s asking me where Gigi is and I don’t know what to do anymore. I still need

Unknown Reddit User

021 The pinnacle of hardship

This right now, is the hardest thing you will ever do. No matter where you go in life,
loss will be the pinnacle of hardship. And it isn’t going to get easier from here. People
will tell you that it will, but the pain of this loss that you feel right now will be with you
forever. It will never lessen. But you will get stronger, so it will feel like it does.

Unknown Reddit User

020 I feel guilty

I feel guilty when I try to move on. I took a personal day today just to grieve. But I
didn’t touch a video game or anything. I feel bad that my life should be allowed to go
on while my loved one’s has ended. I feel wrong to enjoy anything after a loved one
has passed, because I feel that as long as they’re at the forefront of my mind, they’d still
be “living” right?

Unknown Reddit User

019 Celebrate the dead

While your grief will never leave you and the pain will remain as present as it ever has
been, the fact that someone is grieved for means that that person did some amazing and
incredible things in their life. Celebrate those amazing things, celebrate their legacy left
behind. Continue living your life to the fullest, and make those who we can no longer
see, hear or touch proud of us. That is all they wish for.

Unknown Reddit User

018 I hate when people say “I’m sorry”

I hate when people say “I’m sorry” for stuff like this.

So. Here is what i want to share with you.
My dad died, it’s been 2 years already.
I wasn’t close to him, but for some reason, i miss him.
And honestly, i don’t believe that wounds like this heal ever.
Loss of someone in your life is hard as fuck.

And honestly, it took me a long time to even realize that i lost someone.
It was a confusing thing to me how someone can just disappear like that.
Alive one second, gone the next. Everything around keeps going, like nothing happened.
They don’t answer their phone anymore, the messages. They don’t call to ask how are
you, did you eat.
They don’t answer when you ask them something. It’s just silence.
I didn’t feel the pain for a long time. But after some time, it started coming, and it comes now and then.

It’s here now as i’m writing this.
So here is what i would say to you.
I hope that you remember her in the best possible way, that your thoughts go to the good times you had, to her beauty and love. To your good and even bad times yes.
And when you do feel pain, i hope you feel love too.
Her love for you, and your love for her.
You won’t get over the pain, there will always be an empty space in your life.
And i think that is good. I think pain is good.
Because it shows that you did and do love her.
It shows that she was someone important and special to you.
That she left a mark. And that she can’t be easily replaced.
The pain stays.

I personally embraced it.
And when it comes.
I just hug it.


017 Grief comes in waves

Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've
known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents,
mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children,
and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through
me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter".
I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the
relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.
Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut,
or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is
stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people
who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with
wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the
magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece
of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy
memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float.
Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds
apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a
while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further
apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can
breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a
picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave
comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet
tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming.
An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most
part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again,
come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage,
but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't
really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll
survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.



016 Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

“How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd?”

Alexander Pope

Appreciating these lines calls for some background understanding. So here is some history you might wanna dig into—

The poem is based on the clandestine love and subsequent marriage of Héloïse d'Argenteuil to Peter Abélard, her teacher. Abélard insisted that she keep their marriage a secret as it might mar his reputation. However, as the word spread, Abélard persuaded Héloïse to take the vow of silence in the convent of Argenteuil, for her own safety. This act of his was perceived by her family as his attempt to get rid of her. They sought their vengeance by castrating him. Completely mortified, Abélard became a monk in the Abbey of St Denis in Paris. After several years of agonizing separation,
Héloïse's feelings for Abélard were revived. So they exchanged four letters, where they expressed their indignation, anguish and consternation. However, their conflict of opinions left them both feeling bitter. So she decided on living in solitude than spend an eternity with him.

Now, back to the point –
1--- How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
2--- The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
3--- Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
4--- Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd ..

1--- The nuns (chaste women) who devote their life to serving God are cut off from the world and happy due to their ignorance.
2---The vestals forget the world and the world reciprocates it for them. Neither of them has the need to think of the other.
3--- A mind that does not dwell upon the tribulations of the past and dissociates itself from any ingrained feelings experiences true bliss, comparable to an “eternal sunshine”.
4--- Héloïse feels happy about the fact that her prayer for lapse of memory on events that had bothered her over the years had been answered. Also, she voluntarily demits herself from her wish to be reunited with her long-lost love when she comes to terms with the fact that he never truly loved her. (Reference - Héloïse d'Argenteuil)

These lines are quoted by Mary Svevo in the movie “Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind”. She also quotes Nietzsche (“Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders”) in the same scene, thus supporting the above idea.

Swarna Jayaraman


015 Isn't that how you get people to like you? (ESotSM)

Clementine: And in your little brain. You try to figure out, did she fuck someone
Joel: No, see Clem. I assume you fucked someone tonight. Isn’t that how you get
people to like you?


014 Meet me in Montauk (ESotSM)

Joel: [In the house on the beach] I really should go! I've gotta catch my ride.Clementine: So go.Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.Clementine: I wish you had stayed.Joel: I wish I had stayed to. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot ofthings. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door!Clementine: Why?Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above myhead, I don't know.Clementine: You were scared?Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying tooutrun my humiliation.Clementine: Was it something I said?Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.Joel: It's okay.[Walking Out]Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.[Joel comes back]Clementine: Bye Joel.Joel: I love you...Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk...


013 Okay (ESotSM)

Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
 Clementine: [pauses] Okay.


012 Enjoy it (ESotSM)

Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.Joel: I know.Clementine: What do we do?Joel: Enjoy it.


011 Stop trying to define what your brand of happiness looks like

You may hate this answer.

I'm a few years older than you and about to get my math degree so I can't offer you
career advice as I often look for that myself. I have, however, been through the ringer
so to speak and I identify with so much that you are saying.

Stop taking your life so seriously. Stop desperately trying to define what your brand of
happiness looks like with so much detail. If you somehow develop the perfect path for
your life with everything laid out meticulously then you are setting yourself up for
tremendous heartbreak because your life doesn't give a shit about what you plan for it.

Be a good person, take small but thorough steps to overcome your laziness, and try to
accept happiness that comes to you. Never turn down happiness because it doesn't look
like what you planned. You don't want to become so overwhelmed with fear of the
future that you don't recognize true happiness in a different form.

If you don't go to grad school then you still have value. Life in our society is mostly
about selling yourself – hard. Maybe you can't win a Fields Medal or whatever, but if
you can't sell your background to *someone* then you're just a bad salesman, not a
valueless person.

And please understand that I'm dishing out this advice while striving hard to follow it



010 El ahora es el principio del final

El ahora es el principio del final...
... y este caso no es una excepción. Todo lo que realmente merece la pena en esta vida
reune dos condicionantes... es difícil de conseguir... y no es para siempre. Los
acontecimientos, las necesidades, las circunstancias... en definitiva, el momento vital
de cada uno, determina el cómo y el cuándo. Y a partir de ahí... la honestidad manda...

La honestidad de saber que las ideas flaquean y que las fuerzas escasean, la honestidad
de asumir que cada vez es más difícil cumplir las expectativas más importantes y que
quizás nos hemos equivocado al elegirlas y al ponderarlas; la certeza de percibir que la
frescura se pierde - quien sabe si momentáneamente - y que se ha transformado en
vértigo y el convencimiento de que, como diría Napoleón, "Quien abarca todo acaba no
abarcando nada..."

En este preciso momento, me retiro... retirada que debe entenderse, si no como victoria,
si como un éxito por cuanto sirve de punto de partida para nuevos desafíos, relacionados
pero diferentes, que deberían servir para que volvamos a coincidir en breve,
seguramente en las librerías y con total certeza en la red. De ambas empresas informaré
en este sitio, en el momento en que la luz las ilumine por completo y os invitaré a
disfrutarlas, por supuesto, como no podía ser de otro modo.

Solo queda agradecer a todos, no ya los comentarios y salutaciones, sino la absoluta
deferencia en pasar por aquí y sacrificar unos minutos de cada día en leer conmigo sobre
aquellos acontecimientos que motivaron que el hoy sea precisamente el nuestro y no
otro, regalándome lo más valioso que tenemos por cuanto es lo único que no se
recupera... el tiempo. Espero pagaros con el mío y ofreceros algo ilusionante en en
futuro cercano para seguir ejerciendo de seres humanos... leyendo... preguntándonos...
y compartiendo...

"El mar dará a cada hombre una nueva esperanza..." Cristobal Colón



009 Vinieron primero por...

En Alemania vinieron primero por los comunistas,
No dije nada porque yo no era comunista.
Después vinieron por los judíos,
No dije nada porque yo no era judío,
Después vinieron por los sindicalistas,
No dije nada porque yo era independiente.
Vinieron por los católicos,
Y no dije nada porque yo era protestante.

Después vinieron por mí,
Y no quedaba nadie que dijera algo.

Martin Nemoer

008 Prólogo 'El hombre en busca de sentido'

007 This Question will make you immune to failure



005 Wear Sunscreen

004 This is Water (David Foster Wallace)

003 Kaczynski Manifesto

002 Pale Blue Dot (Carl Sagan)

001 A Universe Not Made For Us (Carl Sagan on religion)